Why is it, when you think you have fallen in love, it always has something that pulls you back? Like he's from another country, bla bla bla.. but why is that? i feel so pissed off every time i see the cutest guy on the street or the net, he has to be from or going some where else. Recently, well last night, lol, i talked to my ol' friend Peter-Aun from Belgium. && yes, he's a White Guy. Never Really Fancied Asian/Japanese/Taiwan or whatever asian-looking race there was. I suddenly noticed how he grown so big (muscles) lol, && different, in a good way && he also says so have i. we just spent the night staring at each other, talking about how we look so different now. Peter's my age by the way. i knew him back when we were in High School && kinda forgotten about the poor bloke. Well, apparently, he ain't a lil bloke anymore. He's Big!! in a musclee kind of way.
But he really is doing Big things over there. Like Starting Underground Parties, Concerts, managing bands, that sort of thing, making a HUGE name for HImself. i did actually miss him when i saw he was online. Coz you see, i had 2 msn messenger accounts && never really used the old one anymore, but once i broke up with my Ex now, i realized i did not want to talk to any one now on my msn, so i signed in to my old one, which somehow, i remembered the password too?! Honestly, i do not even remember it now, i just typed && Ba'am chicka wa wa!! there it was opened in front of me. && honestly speaking, i feel better from coming out of that relationship, it was never a relationship to begin with, i was not going to play mummy && stay home just to wait for him. "He had possession issues." && i knew one day, once he's gone, he'll be gone for good. It felt real good to be Free Once more. All i need now is to be cautious, no more trusting guys as easy as i once did.
But i just could not tell my ol' friend the truth of breaking up the same day. && he knew there was something wrong with me. But he did not push. He knows me too well to do anything stupid that will upset me. But the fact we both needed to get to bed. We did not want to. asking each other silly things like, "are you going?" "you going yet?" "i'll go if you go."
We just kept staring at each other through the webcam. Even though there was nothing to say,you know when you get those little pauses in between conversations? We just sat there as if we were stoned. (Love-Stoned)
But he did cheer me up with his guitar playing, told me his band is hitting it Big Time, He just got back from France When i
talked to him. He looked pretty wasted, so i asked. I told him to sleep, he did not want too && when i did not say anything, he said you know why. && i actually did.
After the introducing of what we were up to, he asked if i had a boyfriend. Which clearly last night i had broken it off with, but i did not tell him. I did not even answer that question, but thank God, the Connection spaced out && i apologized for it. && yes, it was accidental, i assure you.
Once i got back online, we got back to talking, soon after that, he suddenly gave me pet names, like "baby", "love","honey" etc. which we never used to do. I said "we" because i was playing with him && i thought he was playing with me as well, you know like when i call "my girls = babes or huns." as in friends. But it got odd after a while,you know that atmosphere you can feel like there something going on.
i asked other questions, until i got to the point where i asked him if he had a gal of his own, he said, "No." i called him a Liar. lol. i mean come on, He's Hot now. "Now." lol. I'm Not saying he is the rebound guy && i am not the type of girl who needs a guy beside her anyways. But Peter has taken an interest in me && i in him too. So i have no clue what is going on now.
Okay, let me describe you what he looks like now, He has long hair, but jagged, you know the type like surfers have. Still above the Shoulders. Blonde. Blue Eyes. Clean. Built body, the three abs going on, sharper features, Good chiseled face structure (bone Jaw). && way taller. White Guy, Rich. He made it all on His own. The most awesome thing that surprised me was that he was totally SxE, which i am. Both HxC && SxE.
If ya'll do not know what SxE means or HxC.
Straight Edge is our life style, be what you are. what you eat, how you keep your body. No Drugs, no cigs (cigarettes), no needles, no nothing! Being Clean inwards && out. When People look at you, they know there is a difference, we do not conform to this world && the material things that keep us tied down (addiction).
&& surprisingly SxE is what Peter is. Because looking at his lifestyle, Underground parties, Concerts, Stereotypical for drugs, sex && toxication. && honestly, i am very much proud of Peter, coz he would never lie to me. Deep down he is still the same peter i once knew before && Thank Goodness the same funny, cute, sexy eyed Peter i come to love now. Except HOTTER! <3
HxC = HardCore. SxE = Straight Edge.
Basically these terms mean the way you live your life. I'm Hardcore because i have been living in a tough world, i fight for myself && for the ones i love && treasure so dearly, believe me when i say that i will be there when you need me. i do not back down no matter what. I'll stand tall && take whatever hits me, but you got to know, you will get it back 100 fold. just a warning, no biggie. :)
-the end-
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